home sick

Wow came as a bit of a side swipe today, don't get me wrong I don't want to go back there just didn't realise how much I miss certain things, my kids I miss every day, it's become a part of me, it's a form of grief that mostly I can cope with, I'm used to the feeling, it's mine and I wouldn't want it to go, of course it hurts but it is my belief that it means I care, that I have an unbreakable bond with them, no matter where they are I feel I want to be with them, what came as a shock to me was how much I miss my stuff, crap to others but it was mine; I went to a friends house, she has lived there for a while with her husband and children her eldest is 12, her house is full of photos of her children, pictures that the kids have painted, pottery things that are hard to work out but to mum and dad they are a priceless works of art, her garden has swings, slides and even a playhouse, a mish mash of stuff that her kids love, my little boys had a whale of a time playing, swinging, sliding and I had a lovely time chatting about life in general and drinking lovely coffee with this lovely lady, time to come home and the boys were very good knowing that we will go back for another playday, next time we will make camps and have a pic-nic, my coffee date with my newish friend brought home to me how much I left behind, stuff that has now been sold or given away or even binned, sure I have boxes of photos and master pieces created by my now grown up babies but they are in garages across the country, places I managed to store my stuff when I left, I was clever enough to have the foresight that my very soon to be ex-husband would get angry and hateful and get rid of anything I may have cared about by way of retaliation so I can replace the camping stuff but I cannot replace the memories they held, I had to leave the trampoline but I still remember Joe and all his friends being "tramps on the trampoline", his infectious laughter still rings in my ears, at the end of the day, and this blog, I have the chance to collect more "stuff" now, I have the chance to put up photos and masterpieces,  not only did I walk away from a lot of things but what I wanted and needed to walk away from was a loveless marriage, a repressive relationship that was harmful to all of us, what I must remember is that I walked towards a love filled life with a wonderful man and my 2 beautiful little boys who have flourished in our new life, I did not lose anyone, the people I love are still alive I just don’t get to see them as much as I’d like.

I must put some photos up…….

AH HAA!

Ok so part of this whole new blogging me is working out how to do it, I think I've managed that, unfortunately I have a rather limiting belief that next time I log on I'll probably forget but I also have an empowering belief that I will get used to it, I also am very pleased to see that this blogging malarkey has a spell check on it, that'll save me typing it all out on word then copying and pasting it like I normally do for FB statuses that have any length to them. 

My mother is of the belief that I'm really good with computers, she's not the only one who thinks that, I on the other hand know that not to be true, you see it's not that I'm good with these things, it's just I like (and am good at) tinkering, exploring things and places, poking around, if it works I've done it right, if it goes off bang I've done it wrong, unfortunately when I do it right or wrong for that matter, I can never quite remember how I did it, PC World love people like me.

I rather like this blogging, I can ramble about the crap that buzzes in my head.

Hello Blogging world

Been talking about creating a blog for a bit, wondering if it's worth it, typically while I'm procrastinating and talking about it my man goes ahead and does it, no messin', so here it is, my 1st Blog......

Well OK I need to put some work in, and thought......

Watch this space